Essential Dating Tip for Women: Keep It in Your Purse

You're sipping a cappuccino on a first date. The conversation goes well and you're enjoying yourself. Then, that nerve-wracking moment arrives when the check arrives. What's a woman to do?

Keep it in your purse - your wallet that is.

The question of who should pay is the most frequently discussed topic for women. While this advice may seem old fashioned, for the first few dates, allow the man pay.

- Dating is really about “data gathering.” Usually, you know little

about a man when you first start dating him. That's why observation mode is so critical. Since you can't know his attitudes about money or how he'll react, why risk taking the wrong action? Relax and watch what happens without prompting or paying.

- During the first few dates, a man will try to impress and please you in an effort to win you over. This means paying for you. If he doesn’t, this may be a red flag that he’s not generous with his wallet or his heart.

- The majority of men actually expect to pay because it's part of the chase and the tradition of "wooing." While we've come a long way regarding equality in the workplace and in marriages where men share the chores, child rearing, and bringing home the bacon, dating remains an archaic mating ritual that has simply not caught up.

How can you tell if a man is interested and generous? You won't know if you offer to pay, but you will short-circuit your ability to observe his natural tendencies. Instead of jumping in to take charge or to avoid feeling obligated, sit back when the check comes and let him handle it. One thing is for sure, if your date wants you to split the bill, he'll let you know, either by telling you verbally or by letting the check sit there for a long time which is also a clear message.

Men are caught in a difficult social dilemma when a woman offers to pay. He has to determine if you'll be insulted by his refusal to take your money. While some men confidently wave aside the offer, others won't want to risk offending you. Many men have encountered angry females who insist on paying so they aren't "controlled by a man."

Some men think that a woman's offer to pay is a sign that she's not interested. You may use this trick from time to time, but don't confuse a man you actually like by offering to split the check!

You are setting a precedent for how you want to be treated. If you don't plan on splitting every bill down the center, don't set up that pattern from your very first date.

Of course you'll reciprocate at some point and you might offer to pay for the movie if you've already been to dinner, or for the after dinner drink on the second or third date. But, hold off especially on the first date to see what he will do.

When a man pays you don’t owe him anything except, “Thank You.” Some women feel it's just polite to offer to pay. Others feel compelled to pay so they don't owe a man anything in exchange for dinner. This is nonsense. You don't owe a man anything when he buys you coffee or dinner except a gracious thank you and a warm smile. If he has other expectations, he’s probably not the right man for you.

There are plenty of takers out there who are happy to let a woman pay. Women often boldly rush to pay to establish their equality or independence, but end up complaining that their man never contributes or seems down right cheap. Well, who gave him the idea that you'd be willing to pay? Right up front you picked up the check, so it makes sense that he'd conclude you plan on taking care of things from that point forward.

There will be plenty of time to show your generosity. A man will only "woo" you in the beginning because that's when the chase is on. Why not let him impress you and treat you well? If you like him, allow him to win your heart and give him the opportunity to do it. Sit back, enjoy the date, and stop worrying about your share of the cost. Let your date know how much you appreciated the drink or meal, his conversation or company to discover that praise can impress a man far more than your wallet.